Friday, December 17, 2021

Southbound

Southbound

Harry B. Sanderford 
Maggie leaned her forehead against the cool glass of the Greyhound bus window. Over the river and through the woods, she thought watching the snow west of Interstate 95 melt away into skinny pines and palmettos. 

Brunswick 2, Jacksonville 70, slid by on a green rectangle. 

 It had been fifteen years since she’d been south of Atlanta, twenty since she’d been home. A lifetime she thought, shifting position to stretch her legs. As a young girl her curiosity and ambition had been far too great to be contained in any small town. Maggie grabbed her diploma, loaded her Corolla and left Middleburg and everyone in it behind like shoes that no longer fit to run barefoot out into the world. She flipped a coin at Interstate 10 to choose between Hollywood and New York City. Heads the Big Apple, tails Tinseltown. Heads it was, so she stayed on 95 North and headed for the Empire City. She did ok there too, better than most. A pretty girl and smarter than some, she found work right away. She modeled for catalogs at first. An agent spotted her in J.C. Penney Ready To Wear and soon a couple of local commercials, then a part in a sitcom pilot came her way. From there, she was off and running. The good life came easy, but it did not come free. 

 Big Talbot Island State Park, I-10 Baldwin, Maclenny 2. 

Maggie arched her back and rolled her head side to side working out a kink. She’d been to so many exciting places and met so many new people. She’d fallen in and out of love maybe a time or two more than she cared to recall. In the end, how much of it really mattered? Her name was short for Magnolia, not Margaret like most guessed. All those winters spent with the terribly cool and sometimes down-right cold had taught her not every tree is meant to drop its leaves and stand stoically awaiting the arrival of spring. 

 Lakeside, Middleburg 3.  

Florida was a coin she tossed. How could it now be burning a hole in her pocket? All she knew was the closer she got, the more she just missed home. She wondered how home might feel about her. She had not called ahead so nobody met her at the depot. It wasn’t so far now. She picked up her suitcase to walk the last leg of her journey down the dirt road that led home. At the crossroads where her daddy’s property began she sat down on her suitcase and lit a cigarette. Maggie had seen the foot-lights on Broadway, the bright lights of Time Square on New Year’s Eve and surely the lights of Paris brought a tear to her eye but it was a thousand feet of Christmas lights strung on a barbed wire fence in the middle of nowhere Florida, that finally made her break down and cry.

 
                                 Merry Christmas 🌲

Friday, May 28, 2021

Batter Up!

Betty Lou Batters was a legend with an egg beater. Her cakes rose higher and her cream whipped up the fluffiest. Rumor was she could whip whiskey to soft peaks. Betty Lou wasn't always tied to the whipping post. As a barefoot youngster she honed the skills that would win her countless County Fair blue ribbons and a more reasonable number of young mens hearts by winding in near about every catfish in Crater Lake with her Zebco 202. The same motor skills and muscle memory that conquered the Crater cats made the egg beater a natural extension of her body. Lumps stood nary a chance in her batters, sauces and gravies. It was all second nature but sometimes, when she was in the zone, she really had to fight the urge to set that hook.

Got A Match?

An orange tabby with white tape on her paws sat up where she knew she shouldn't be. Her tail swept the counter like a windshield wiper while her head poked inside the pie safe licking merengue from a slice of lemon pie. Ordinarily Hank would have shooed her away, smoothed the divot in the merengue with a fork and thrown the latch to foil future attempts. Today though he was hunkered over the calculator with a folder full of receipts trying to swing Ruby's estimate. The cafe was decades overdue for paint and a new roof.

Hank met Ruby for a beer at the Lonesome Whistle to break the news he would have to wait a little longer. Ruby reminded him she could probably save him a third if he went with tin instead of shingles. Hank said he'd consider it but he wasn't crazy about the idea of Tennesee's tender paws on a tin roof come summer.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Gray-Bar Suites



Barry Tuttle worked as a guard. For twenty seven years, Monday through Saturday with a rotating day off midweek, he'd worn the butternut uniform more than a few guests of the Hastings Women's Correctional Facility claimed complimented his eyes. This morning when he looked in his closet those duds were missing. Six brand new uniforms, if they could truly be called uniforms, hung in their place. They consisted of a crisp white shirt, white dress slacks and a matching jacket. I'm your ice cream man, stop me as I'm passing by. Barry's stomach clenched, Diamond Dave he was not.

He'd seen it coming for a while. Privately owned correctional facilities had been gaining market share over Public/Federally supported institutions over his entire career. With privatization comes competition and once Amazon got involved, things got a little weird. Amazon's interest tipped the Lion's share of the penal pay-dirt to the private sector. Focus would no longer be on wresting control away from the feds but rather on cannibalizing competitive counterparts.

The new uniforms came with a new title for Barry: Host. All part of Amazon's new, "Destination Incarceration" promotion. The botched burglary, assault or common assortment of Saturday night offenses that usually led to three hots and a cot were small potatoes. Leave those to Canada. Extras and add ons were where the real dough was to be made. The mess halls would now be bistros. Greens would still be served on Sunday but now kale instead of collards. Orange would no longer be the new black. A choice of understated ensembles from J. Crew would be available for purchase for those settling up societal debt imbalances. Thread count counts, and as always, membership has its privileges. If you can in fact afford to do the time, then by all means, do the crime. And don't worry. If you have Prime, we'll leave a light on for you.


.  

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Little Shopping Horrors

Wexler stopped his cart in men’s toiletries and had to marvel at the sheer volume of product space devoted solely to the elimination of whiskers. So many complicated choices for such a simple product. The cheap, plastic, multi-blade disposables were of little use and easily ruled out. The single edge jobs he settled for the last time had occasioned a couple of close shaves. They were sturdy but bulky and had proven risky. Those were out too. Wexler came to his selection and tossed it into the cart. He crossed "razors" off and saw "produce" was last on his list. He drew a line through that as well and steered his cart away convinced that you really couldn't beat the way a good, old fashioned, Wilkinson Sword double edge blade virtually disappears when pressed into a shiny red apple.

Cat Tale




Daddy says Sissy an' me can go swimmin' once I skint this mess o' cats. Mama asked how many we caught.  Daddy cyphered up one for near about every finger and toe and reckoned upwards of a dozen. Mama said, “Well I swannie, we got plenty lard but Sissy’s goin’ need to run yonder for more corn meal if y’all want hush puppies.”

Well of course we want hush puppies. Sissy’d tore halfway out the yard before mama could call her back to get two dollars. She gave her a extra dime to get her and me a chick-o-stick for dessert.


H.O.W.
Canvas Prompt No. 36
Photo by David Lovin

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Whistle Wile


“So Bob, what line are you in?”

“I head up complacency and acquiescence for The Department of Unrelenting Toil.”

“Ahhh, that must be fascinating work.”

“Actually, fascination is frowned upon at the DUT.  Spirit, general enthusiasm, even keen interest are just the sort of things I’m hired to keep a lid on.”

“I had no idea.”

“Oh yeah, those things can only lead to pride. And as we say over at the DUT, pride goeth before a stall. Haha! But seriously, left unchecked satisfaction from a job well done can lead to high fives, chest bumps, even spontaneous hugging. If you don’t nip it, you can wind up dealing with a full blown Joy Spike. Under my watch we have over 800 elation free days. Exuberant outbursts are essentially a thing of the past."

"Uh…congratulations?" 

"Thanks, we make it a full 3 years and I'll be kicked upstairs to an office, with windows.”

“Well, good luck with that. I mean, if it makes you happy. I suppose though, celebrating your promotion would fall counter to your occupational agenda.”

 “Oh, not to worry. Level three office windows are all bullet proof.”

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Bananas


Dog winged the monkey's gerdonderplonk just past ceremony. Winkle-wizzened water garglers awoke wanderjanked while apple-gated confederates slept on. Rusty pipe smack-down cancelled water lily gumbo's two o'clock and Patsy sang Crazy for the millionth time. Cart-wheeling donkey kong cougar camp visionaries lament then relent and consent. Rotty board deliverance wiggles wormy can-can hula-hoops and a dirty dozen daisies die. Woman howls moon, monkey bites Dog, man slaps clock and Patsy still crazy, falls silent.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Hoo Koo e Haiku

Bacon Derailleur
Gravy Chain With Biscuit wheels 
Sunday Bicycle

Friday, August 16, 2013

Reading Ripples



The bottle you have chosen is a precocious little number that hints of vinyl car-seat leg sweat infused with the subtle nuances of Frito crumbs. The floor'll bouquet with notes of paste wax and hippie sandal will bring a tear to the eye. It pairs nicely with chicken or fish and is perfect partnered with ham that smells like fish. Drink romantically from a paramour’s shoe of this grape never stomped. Make Jello-shots or pour it on your cornflakes. Seriously it's yours now, we don't care if you brush your teeth with it or pour it in your radiator.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Stay

If you walked a mile in Hangman’s shoes you’d end up a mile back of where you started because brother Hang’s shoes never took one step forward without taking two back. He rode a Trailways from San Pedro via El Paso just to get to Vegas. Now here he sits, king down, nine showing, considering his options. The sun will rise polka dotted in a checker board sky before Hangman draws a deuce. Double or nothing, Hang knows nothing but you can’t call him a quitter.

“Hit me.”

Friday, April 26, 2013

Good Morning Six

I see the guitar that my cousin played in prison, is floating with the tv in the swimming pool. A topless girl is sleeping sunny side down on the picnic table, her hands tucked prayerfully under one sweaty cheek, her face innocent as a three year old sleeping off a big day at the carnival. The girl must have called it a night early because every surface of the table she does not occupy, is covered with empty bottles and cans. If lifted away carefully, a constellation of her would remain.

Duke trots over to where Joey has passed out on the lawn, drops a slobbery tennis ball in his face and I hear from inside, others beginning to grumble and groan awake.

I zip up after the longest whizz of my life, spot a half full Corona on the girl’s table, tilt the cigarette butt out along with the lime and drink a toast to another fine Saturday morning.

 

This Six was a response to a challenge Gita Smith threw down on the now defunkt Six Sentences site. Her challenge was to write a Six using the first line of a song for the first sentence. I chose Jim White's, Handcuffed To A Fence In Mississippi but used the line I like best rather than the very first.




Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Elvis Lives


Elvis lay on his bunk listening to the stuttering rooster. The Rhode Island Red has taken its customary pre-dawn perch on the rail fence outside his window and as usual, struggles to bring his morning announcement to a conclusion.  “Urrrr-urr urrr-URRRr, Urrrr-urr urrr-URRRrr.” It’s a starter grinding on a weak battery. No fuel. No spark. No vroom. “Urrrr-urr urrr-URRRrr.” When Elvis can stand it no longer, he gets up, throws open the camper trailer window and yells, “Hot-Aw-Mighty-Damn, Son; it’s ROO! Urrrr-urr urrr-urr-ROO!” The rooster rustles down from his post deflated by his failure and the defeat and hurt visible in his one good eye shames Elvis. “Aw shoot, I’m sorry Rusty,” he calls after the yard-bird as it sulks away. But the damage is done. Way to start the day.

It had been Elvis’ intervention that kept the Colonel from shooting the rooster that Saturday morning he showed up bloodied from comb to claw with a shiny metal talon skewered through his neck. He was obviously a refugee from the Friday night cock fights held across the border. Less clear was whether he had won or lost. The Colonel told Elvis, “OK, but he’s your problem now, son. Clean him up if you want but if you aim to keep him out of the soup pot I wouldn’t try pulling that sticker out of his neck.”  There had been no danger of that as the mean little banty bastard would not allow Elvis to come near. He did however eat the feed and drink the water Elvis put down for him daily and he took up residence in the abandoned Karmann Ghia behind the main barn.

The rooster survived without doctoring and little by little the steel talon that still cursed his cock-a-doodling eroded away leaving only Frankenstein bolts on either side of his neck. His breast feathers, once white, were stained red with rust. Rusty Suspenders, (just Rusty for short) was the natural name for the newest member of the family. 

Elvis ran hot tap water and spooned instant coffee into a cup. He felt bad about losing his temper with the bird. It wasn’t Rusty’s stuttering that was bugging him, he couldn’t help that. No, he wasn’t mad at Rusty. In fact, Elvis maybe more than anyone could empathize with Rusty’s uneasy adjustment from fighting cock to alarm clock. He’d had more than a moment in the spotlight himself after all. To wind up living in a 60 year old Airstream trailer on Colonel Parker’s dirt farm, 300 yards from the Calexico border with a stuttering rooster for a best friend qualified as a flabbergasting fall from grace.

                                                                                     ~

The late seventies had been a tough time for The King. Some racket called Disco was gaining favor and only country stations were playing the king of rock and roll’s singles. An English band called the Bee Gees was wearing jumpsuits and another dweeby Brit was performing something called punk and calling himself Elvis. The King was pretty certain this was not homage. His appetite had grown with his depression and his own jumpsuits no longer zipped.

He talked to the Colonel, told him he wanted to grow his hair and wear flannel. He wanted to write songs fueled by his feelings of helplessness and angst. The Colonel told him that weepy shit would never fly, and besides, he had a plan. It was to be an absence makes the heart grow fonder scheme like when the Beatles killed off Paul. They would announce: The King Is Dead.

After a reasonable period of world-wide grieving, during which time Elvis archives would sell out and have to be re-pressed, Elvis was to be whipped into shape at the Colonel’s Cancun complex. Personal trainers and a nutritionist would mold him back into shape and restore him to all his hip swiveling glory. Then, he would rise like a phoenix, maybe even in a new sequined phoenix jumpsuit. The Colonel would pronounce The King’s resurrection, announce his new album and launch a worldwide tour. The best laid plans.

                                                                                   ~

Elvis found Rusty sunning on the bonnet of the Karmann Ghia. He’d saved his last powdered donut and he balanced it on a fender. Rusty could not hold a grudge. While the bird pecked his breakfast down Elvis took the canvas sack from the peg hook on the side of the barn and slung it over his shoulder. He felt the weight of the pistol and remembered to check for bullets. Three left.

                                                                                 ~

The Colonel’s plan was working. The world wore black. Every single Elvis recording or piece of related memorabilia sold out. Fans overwhelmed with mourning made pilgrimages to Memphis Tennessee to see the mansion Elvis named Graceland. Down south things were not going quite as well. Elvis was not used to having folks (other than Colonel Parker) tell him what to do. When the spunky aerobics instructor (pogo-ing in her Olivia Newton John leg warmers and headband) tossed his covers back one morning and told him it was time to get up and get physical, physical, The King introduced her to the Prince of Morningwood and physical they got.

                                                                                   ~

Elvis started off down the dirt drive and Rusty abandoned his donut crumbs to trail behind. It was his routine to walk the 2 miles to the mercado and along the way pick up aluminum cans. Rusty would snatch up any bugs that scattered from under the cans. Theirs was a symbiotic relationship. The pistol was in case he spotted rattlesnakes or coyotes. The rattlesnakes posed no threat but would fetch $500 pesos for a large one, enough for a case of Sol cerveza. The coyotes, the two legged ones, they were trickier to turn a profit on.

                                                                                ~

The staff at The Colonel’s Cancun Casa all fell in love with Elvis. He got high with his nutritionist Barry and talked him into making pot brownies every day. He was sleeping with Kelly his spritely aerobics instructor and teaching her transcendental meditation to help curb her hyperactivity. The weight trainer, Jordan, resisted at first but after finding out Elvis’ black belt was not honorary, (for a fat guy Elvis had a mean roundhouse kick) he decided to just join the party and work on his novel. Years later it would be released anonymously with the title Primary Colors. Many would mistakenly believe the central character to be loosely based on President Bill Clinton, himself a rather charming fellow loosely based on Elvis.

While Elvis’ metamorphosis remained stuck in the chrysalis stage, the other side of Colonel Parker’s plan was surpassing expectations. People were just not prepared to live in a world without Elvis and they did not intend to. Long Live The King. 45s of Hound Dog  were selling for hundreds of dollars. Legions of Elvis impersonators sprung from every corner in every shape, color and size. Graceland with its deep pile shag and velvet furniture became a Mecca of sorts to a clan known collectively today as Walmart shoppers, and to Parker’s delight, the central hub of a billion dollar industry. Long Live The King!

It became clear to Colonel Parker that Elvis was worth more dead than alive. The only problem was Elvis got restless being cooped up in the Cancun compound. The staff couldn’t keep him on the complex and every time he escaped he was sighted. These sightings took on a cultish aspect of their own and folks either bought into them whole heartedly or made them up for amusement. Either way, the Colonel knew there was no such thing as bad press. He just needed to keep it speculative. He couldn’t risk the truth being exposed definitively. Elvis would need to be kept hidden. He was too well known for Cancun and even Cabo was not secluded enough for one of the most recognizable men who ever walked the planet to go unnoticed.

                                                                           ~

This story has been stalled for too long so I finally decided to just post it as is and move on.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Borderline



Francisco poured milk into his coffee to match the North Fork of the Gunnison. Café con leche, he thought as he watched the river roiling thirty yards outside his window. He’d come as he did each year to fish the spring run-off and feel the river's pull as it made its journey South. He fished the morning, catching and releasing early season cut-throat and rainbow trout until the cold drove him into Nadine’s for coffee and a seat by the wood stove.

Nobody named Nadine had ever worked a shift during the forty three years that Nadine’s had stood sandwiched between Colorado 92 and this bend of the Gunnison River. Sarah however, had poured thousands of cups of coffee and slid countless cheeseburgers, BLTs, and Today’s Specials across the Formica counter-top to a proportionate number of shivering fishermen. Today, like any other, as she warmed Francisco’s coffee she asked one of the two things she would always ask of patrons, “Cold enough for you?”

"Mas frio que la teta de una bruja!" Francisco blurted. Then quickly, "Oh perdona, I, I mean...I’m so sorry.” Sarah laughed, “Don’t worry about it amigo. Some of the boys that come in here have said a lot worse without ever asking me to pardon their French. I suppose I can forgive you your Spanish this once. Tell me, just exactly how would you know if it’s colder than a witch’s tit out there anyway?”  It was Francisco’s turn to laugh, a shade redder. Amused by Francisco’s embarrassment and touched by the sincerity of his apology, Sarah smiled and asked the other question she would always ask, “Catchin’ any?”

Knowing better than to continue pleading his case once the charges have been dismissed, Francisco launched into his account of the morning's fishing. He recounted each fish, the kind of fly he had tied, and which rock or eddy it had struck near. Sarah listened attentively (though she’d heard it all before) and when Francisco finished said only, “We’ve got peach pie today.” Then she winked with what Francisco noticed to be one of a pair of lovely brown eyes. She turned, walked half the length of the counter to the old circular glass pie safe, withdrew a wedge of pie and returning, set the plate on the counter in front of Francisco.

Before Francisco could speak, the door burst open with a blast of cold air and a new pair of anglers entered, batting arms against coats and scrubbing the boots of their waders on the doormat. Sarah gave them a wave, patted Francisco’s hand and pulling her order pad from her apron, moved towards her new customers, asking, “Cold enough for you?”

Francisco studied the waitress with newfound interest as she walked away and decided he liked her both coming and going. He forked some of the pie into his mouth and once again looked out at the river that would soon mingle with the Colorado and flow southward through the Grand Canyon. Farther along it would separate Arizona from California, on the way to the Mexican border. Most of the river would be siphoned off to irrigate a thirsty Southern California. Some though, would dampen the border along Baja before emptying into the Sea of Cortez. Only a trickle perhaps, but standing in the river’s icy flow, Francisco could feel the connection.

He finished his pie and was warm enough. He tucked four dollar bills under his coffee cup and on his way out, tipped his hat to the pretty waitress with the name tag that read Sarah.

Outside the sun had risen well above the ridge of Snow-capped peaks. The air was still brisk, but the sun was now warm on his shoulders as he hiked the short path to his pickup, retrieved his fly rod and then continued on to the river’s edge.

Anglers he passed along the way invariably inquired, “Catchin’ any?” At first, it had puzzled Francisco that so many would pose such a question without so much as slowing their pace for a response. Gradually, Francisco had come to understand this to be more pleasantry than inquiry, so he now replied a concise “some” or “a few” without slowing his own. Heard one, heard them all, he thought. This made him wonder if his story had bored the waitress, Sarah. She had no doubt heard her share of fish stories. Note to self: Be more interesting.

Wading into the river, being careful not to slip on the ice that still skirted its banks, he began casting. He whipped the line overhead before laying it flat on the surface and then twitching it ever so slightly to animate the nymph he’d tied to the leader. Standing in the current, sunlight bright on snow he knew would not melt away completely for weeks, Francisco thought of how far removed this was from the fishing he’d done as a boy in Mexico.

He remembered his father, Octavio, taking him fishing in the big, brightly colored panga boats. Francisco could almost smell the thick oily paint they would slather from bow to stern in preparation each summer. Octavio, would use whatever color paint he could procure, but he preferred a brilliant red, blue or green. His thinking was the fish would be first attracted to the boat and then to the bait. Nobody could question Octavio’s logic as he was widely regarded as the best fisherman in the village.

They fished the Pacific Ocean out of Bahia de San Quintin catching every manner of fish. In the summer they'd out muscle albacore tuna, dorado, marlin, or swordfish. In the winter they wound up rock cod and grouper from depths so great the fishes’ eyeballs bulged from the rapid change in pressure and sank their chicken wire traps outside of the kelp line for lobster. It was a fisherman’s paradise two hundred miles south of the border. The fish he caught today were smaller than the mackerel he used to catch for bait, he thought as he tossed his fly expertly into a small eddy created by the fresh erosion.

The fly only touched the surface, and the water exploded. The rod bent with such ferocity that Francisco stumbled forward several steps before regaining his footing. Line tore from the reel’s spool, blistering the pad of Francisco’s thumb. He needed to loosen his grip; he needed to give this fish line. He knew these things as surely as he knew he was standing hip-deep in the North Fork of the Gunnison fishing for trout. That, was the reason for his lapse. Had he been on his father’s panga, his reaction would have been automatic. Set the hook. Set it again. Loosen the drag. Use the rod to tire the fish. He’d done it a hundred times before when an albacore tuna inhaled a sardine and broke for the ocean floor. But this was too disorienting. His mind told him it was impossible; albacore tuna do not swim in the Gunnison River. His thumb, however, hotly disagreed. So, regaining his wits, he released it, adjusted his drag, and began advancing on the fish.

Line paid out at a rate Francisco could ill afford. At least the fish cannot dive, he thought, as he shambled over the cobbles to lessen the deficit. He angled towards the bank, every muscle straining, balancing and counter-balancing to remain upright. If he could reach the bank and scramble out of the river without losing the fish, he might stand a chance. He would need the advantage as his tackle was far too light for a fish like this. If he could just move in front of it...

...but his thought trailed off as forty yards upstream a silver missile with long, black, pectoral wings pierced the muddy surface and launched six feet into the air. The image would have been no more incomprehensible had the fish flapped those wings and flown into the sun. It was a Pacific albacore tuna, thirty pounds or better, twelve hundred miles up river.

Francisco was still trying to wrap his mind around this new development when one of the large, round, river stones he’d sought purchase upon rolled sending him to one knee. He struggled to right himself, but the icy water filled his waders. He was now part of the current. He remained focused as he was swept down-stream, despite the excruciating cold. His reel, which by all rights should be bankrupt, was no longer surrendering line. The fish had turned.

Maintaining his grip on the fly rod with his right hand, Francisco urged the dumb, frigid, digits of his left to unbuckle the shoulder straps of his waders. He poked and clawed in the vicinity of the clasps, his dexterity for the task oddly reminding him of clumsy backseat grappling and groping with his high school sweetheart’s bra hooks. Carmen Candamio, what a beauty she was. He hadn’t thought of her in years, and, given his current current circumstances, it seemed a poor time for reminiscing. Still,it made him smile to remember, and, with determination nearly as urgent, he was able to coax the clasp’s submission more easily than he ever had Carmen’s.

This at last accomplished, he held the bib of the waders agape, allowing the river to steal them. Free now, he rolled on his back and kicked towards the bank, reeling in the slack line as he went.

The water no longer felt cold to him, which should’ve been alarming. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew the signs of hypothermia. Gazing up at the cloudless blue sky though, he felt serene and even warm. He thought of the waitress, Sarah. She would be warm, he thought. She would be sweet like her peach pie too. Mmmm pie, he thought. He was drifting, almost dreaming. Maybe he'd close his eyes. Just for a few seconds. He dreamed he was floating, which wasn't really a dream. He dreamed he was floating in the warm sunshine holding Sarah’s hand. He dreamed of a pelican against the stark blue sky. He watched the elegant bird gliding on the thermal without beating a wing. When the pelican crossed in front of the sun its shadow fell upon them blocking out the warm sunshine. This chilled Francisco to the bone. He jerked his eyes wide open and resumed his kicking, aided this time by the twin engines of panic and adrenalin.

Teeth chattering, Francisco reached the river’s edge. He grabbed an exposed root with his free hand and dragged himself to his feet. He was out of breath. The fish, improbably, was still on his line. He reeled furiously, the line spooling on with almost no resistance.

Francisco regained all but perhaps twenty feet of his line. He could see the fish now, swimming only to maintain its place in the current. He wondered briefly why the fish still fought the current. Then with a rush of panic, it occurred to him that he had no gaff. The small net he used for scooping trout from the river was not only sorely inadequate, but had been jettisoned along with his waders.

For a stark moment, neither fish nor fisherman struggled. In that moment Francisco saw the deep lines of his father’s face. He saw the bright pangas, the blue water and the brown earth of Mexico. Then the water around the fish exploded once more and Francisco watched helplessly as the fish swam, at first with no urgency, and then as a streak, downstream.

Francisco staggered across the ice and collapsed on the bank. His head throbbed, and his heart felt the sorrow of a lover’s departure. His mind worked desperately to place order to this surreal turn of events. Had he hit his head in the river? Could it all have been a dream? Surely he was losing his mind because albacore tuna do not swim in the North Fork of the Gunnison River.

The sun was setting as Francisco laid the sections of the fly rod in the bed of his pickup. He walked down the path and up the steps to Nadine’s. Opening the door, he saw Sarah sitting on a stool by the cash register counting her tips. She looked up from behind a wall of ketchup bottles upended one upon another, smiled and asked, “Catchin any?” It was perhaps the prettiest smile Francisco had ever seen. “Pour us some coffee and let me tell you about the one that got away,” he said. Pulling the door closed behind him, Francisco felt the sharp sting of a fresh blister on his thumb.




Now knit something with that yarn!
:)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Peachy

Harry B. Sanderford


If I mentioned the preacher’s wife’s cobbler you would not automatically think of shoes. This theory is untested but I have a good feeling about my hypothesis. If I meet you on an elevator and say, “Hi-ya,” while offering a light wave of my hand you’ll say, “Good morning.” If I shout, “Hi-YAH!” with a swift thrust of the same hand, your windpipe will collapse and you’ll make indecipherable gurgling noises as you slump to the elevator floor. I say hello but you say goodbye, so to speak. Purely conjecture at this point of course but please, “Hold that elevator!”

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Don't Look

Don't Look 

                                                       By Zelda Martin & Harry B. Sanderford


There are reasons why a basement is a scary place. It's underground. It's dark. It's damp. It smells funny. Things are stored down there for years on end; boxes that have been there for so long that you don't even know what's in them anymore, or who put them there, or why. But the contents must have some value, you tell yourself, or you (or someone else, whoever it was) wouldn't have gone to the trouble to box them up and place them on the floor, or shelves, or rafters. They're all stuck back in the darkest corners, where you never go, because it's kind of creepy back there and what would you do with the stuff if you did haul it out into the light, anyway? And the spiders! My god, it's like the NYC of spiders and spider webs and lots and lots of dead things caught in those webs. Just let sleeping bugs lie, you've told yourself over the years. Always a reliable philosophy in retrospect, but somehow, this time, you just had to know.

Curiosity is notorious for offing its share of cats. Looking back, maybe finding Fluffy’s mummified remains sandwiched there between the stack of moldy leftover sheet-rock and those long forgotten boogie boards should have served warning enough for you to curtail your own intrigue. Maybe you should have left the basement right then. Just climbed the stairs, switched off the light, and locked the damn door on the NYC of spiders, never to return.

But it was Fluffy!

So, with a lump forming in your throat, you couldn’t help but reach out and stroke the little lost tabby, her orange hair exploding in a puff that scattered like dandelion seeds. Dozens of which you inhaled with a horrified gasp before scrabbling backwards into a pyramid of paint cans, coughing and spitting and blinking back your tears.

Yes, maybe you should have left right then. Terror and disgust gave way, however, to a pitiful sort of relief. As sad as finding the kitty made you, at least now you finally knew what happened to the lovable little fuzzball everyone had panicked over and searched for. The one that little Elinor had cried little rivers for.

Elinor is almost twenty now! So Fluffy has been down here for over fifteen years. It's time to clean out this creepy basement, right now, you told yourself. So what if today is October 31? It's still daylight, after all, and it'll feel good to be sure there are no other unpleasant surprises down here. So in you went, you foolish woman. Pulling down old boxes and hauling them up the steps to the back yard, while dust flew and spiders scattered. You recognized some of the boxes; they were labeled and taped, and hadn't been opened since you'd moved to this old house, a long time ago. You decided that you would just haul them to the dump the next day, without even looking inside. If you hadn't needed whatever was in them in the past 15 years, you sure didn't need it now. Finally, you reached the back wall, and felt a sense of elation. Look at all the space you'll have to store important stuff now! But then, you saw the small, locked door in the corner.

  If you’d been hoping to avoid unpleasant surprises, not looking inside the boxes was a good choice. Had you been in less of a hurry to clear out the crumbly cardboard containers, less eager to sweep the dust from all that glorious empty space, space you could now fill properly with tons of those cool, color coordinated, Rubbermaid containers you saw at Target, you might never have opened that damned door. Maybe if you had stripped the tape off of the box marked “Bone China,” for instance, and looked under the lid of Aunt Saucy’s Wedgwood soup tureen to find Mrs. Parker’s long missing Pekingese, Pugsy; his bleached skeleton simmering in a puddle of its own congealed sauce. Maybe then you would have run screaming and just abandoned the whole idea.

I can’t say I told you so. Heheh, no I cannot. But the signs were all there for you. Right there in each crusty carton, each corrugated crypt. Cats and kitties by the score and cute bunny rabbits galore. Guppies and puppies, turtles and frogs, oh so many gerbils and hamsters, but just the lone prairie dog. The big box marked LIONEL, the one you thought was Johnny’s train? Jeffrey Archer’s German shepherd, of same name fame. Lionel was supposed to be romping on a farm upstate. At least that’s what they told Jeffrey. Not that Jeffrey will ever be the wiser, but Elinor knows. She knows about Fluffy and she knows a lot more.

You avoided the unpleasant surprises, but you missed all the signs. The ones urging you to TURN BACK! “Unpleasant” does not begin to describe what horrors lie beyond that door. You just have no idea. But Elinor knows. She knows about Fluffy and she knows a lot more.

She was so meticulous in her concealing of canine and kitty corpses, hiding them so carefully in all those cartons. How could she have been so careless as to leave that cursed key in the lock? Of course you couldn't resist turning that key, opening the lock, and slowly...oh so slowly...opening the small, low door. In the dim, murky light, you see another container. This one is made of wood, about five feet long. You think it's your imagination, but it does smell kind of like formaldehyde in here. Turn back, honey. No good can come of this. Don't open the crate. Oops! Too late. Screaming won't help, my dear. Johnny is dead. Johnny, your little boy, Elinor's little brother, the little brother you and your husband loved so much that you neglected Elinor. You doted on that silly boy, showered him with praise, attention and gifts, while poor little Elinor sat on the sidelines, seething with jealousy. Of course, she grew to hate Johnny; what did you expect? She worked so hard in school, got all A's, while Johnny goofed off and came home with C's. But that was just fine with you and Daddy, wasn't it? You never praised me for my good grades, but you acted like Johnny was a goddamned genius for getting C's! Yes! I killed him and I'm glad I did it! You should be glad that I studied chemistry and preserved his stupid body in formaldehyde, instead of letting him rot, like all those other stupid animals!  

Now stop screaming Mommy. I have one more coffin to fill, right here next to Daddy's.




Happy Halloween Everyone!
Madam Z Rocks all by herself here:
http://z-to-u.blogspot.com/

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Sugar Shack




By Sugar Wendy and Harry B.
 
Sunshine slid a cup of coffee across the bar and poured milk from a can until Harry signaled whoa. He watched Harry a moment waiting for that first sip of java to gear up a conversation and when it didn’t offered, “Gol-ding it all, Harry, you look like da pure shit dis mornin'; when da las’ time you slep’?"
Harry had a pretty good idea how he looked without Sugar’s bulky beer-slinger pointing it out so he answered Sunshine’s question with one of his own, “When’s the last time you changed the coffee grounds?”

Sugar slipped in through the door behind the bar carrying bags of fruit and bottles of rum from the float up market, and griped, “Can a girl get a little help or are you two gonna be staring each other down like a pair of gorillas all day?”

Sugar, proprietor and namesake of the little island watering hole known as the Sugar Shack, did not intend to referee rounds between Harry and Sunshine and warned them, “If you two can’t put your differences aside and figure out how to get along, then by God, I’m outta here!”

Looking remorseful Sunshine gathered the bags in his big hands and lifted them onto the bar declaring, "Trus’ me, Miz Sugar, I don’ wanna pray to da devil an’ quarrel wif Harry all day long so if you go, I go. Ain’t no Sunshine when you gone.”
 
Sugar is the sweet combination of Tinkerbell and all things pink who occasionally channels Mae West. Why don't you come up and see me sometime? She is proprietor of the 6S Sugar Shack where she goes heavy on the spirits and easy on the eyes.
 
 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Rock And A Hard Place

Pain shot through her and she shot right back with all 7 dirty words you cannot, or at least could not say on television. The wrinkled metal has her pinned to the rusty metal and a jagged shard of the latter is furrowing a row down her right thigh.

Rounding a curve below Berthoud Pass she hit a patch of sand and went into a skid. She steered into it and almost recovered but the rear wheels broke free and in passing her, turned her skid into a spin. The Porsche performed a series of near perfect pirouettes over a long downhill stretch. A thing of beauty if viewed as a spectacle, though points would surely be deducted for trajectory. Kissing the sheer rock face of the canyon wall ground the headlights and front bumper into a silver smear until a small boulder grabbed a fender and wadded the car up like a gum wrapper.

There was just enough momentum left to pinball the modified custom once more across the two lane where it came finally to rest with the front passenger side wheel dangling in space over what would be regarded as a breath-taking panarama under any circumstances.

The cliff’s edge erodes beneath her and the crumpled Carerra teeters a degree closer to oblivion. She tries to compensate by straining to shift her weight into the cavity called a backseat on a 911. With each new lunge the finely crafted German plowshare tills another meaty inch and she cries out with another howling barrage of expletives.

She’s been between a rock and hard place before. Wile E. Coyote has survived worse. The view is spectacular.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Kingpin

Tuesday morning Kingpin Roulade looked in his
bathroom mirror and decided it was time for a new look. An impulsive man, he
began by shaving off his eyebrows. The resulting change in his appearance was
significant but not at all what he’d hoped for. No, he missed his eyebrows straight
away and he wanted them back. He was not inexperienced in the art of do it
yourself barbering. Having on the spur of the moment lowered his own ears on
more than one occasion, he knew that the secret to success was just to keep
evening it up until it looks deliberate. Before breakfast Tuesday morning,
Kingpin shaved off most of his beard, leaving only two crescent shaped patches on
his right cheek and jaw; one arched quizzically as if to ask, “Now just how the
heck did that happen?”